I have been pretty wiped out today. But i think its because i went to a power;fitng qualifer yesterday. But i think its because im starting to get overtrained too. My workouts have been insane to be honset.
Im usually up around 4am and hit all my heavy weights in my own gym. So i have been doing squats and romaian deadlifts, bench press, power cleans, sumo deadlifts, deadlifts and trapbar barbell rows, deadlifts, high pulls, trapbar shrugs, rear shrugs, front shrugs and seated press.
All these have been for 10 sets for a single rep on that bodypart day. Ive been working into 100% of my max. I cant hold back and stick to 90% of my max because even thou you get alot of strengrh from 90% i kinda just get this urge inside me to push and push and push. I just dont know what it is inside me that makes me want to lift and be sp strong.
I look around me when i goto the gym after my heavy work to work my muscle mass and drop body fat percentages and i just see people working away. They seem to know what they are doing but i look at them and just see a mindless effort on their part.
Its weird, i know, but i dont think to myself, your doing that wrong or your wasting your time. I just see people trying to achieve their goals, achieve their look, their fitness level. Its wierd to explain at what im trying to get at, its like when i see people in the gym i just see a emptiness within them, i just see drones slaving away on the treadmill or in the weight room.
Someone said to me, you lift to heavy, but i couldnt find the words to say or explain that my strength is me, its what makes me, its the fight between my mind, heart and my very soul that pushes me to lift heavy. Im not intrested in looking good, having muscles to show off. My greastest desire is to see how strong and powerful i am. I sometimes think, i this a man thing, but then i come to realise, no it not a man thing beacause my dad once said to my mum when she was complaining why i was traninng when it was snowing and frezzing outside, he said - there is no other man like him, because no other man can do what he does - and you know its true......
I dont know what the purpose of my life is but all i know that deep inside me there is a urge to lift as heavily as possible, theres a strong believe that im capable of setting a new period in strength history, its crazy but when i read that the world standard for the squat is 350 kilos, i just think i can do that and more.
Im having a layoff this week because i picked up some injuries, well soft tissue damage from the heavy stuff and its going to kill me not be able to workout, I have to fight not to go and do a cheeky dip with 40k around my waist ot press the heaviest dumbbells i can find but i know, that this week will be active rest, so i should come back stronger and it'll give me time to relax and desgin a new program and rekindle that fire that burns so deep inside me. Its coming to the point now where im going off season as to speak so over the next few weeks ill be working my back to the 300k rear shrugs, 400k+ partial squats/deadlifts and 200k+ partial benches etc etc - so i must NOT LIFT - I MUST NOT LIFT - I MUST NOT LIFT.....
Remebering the pain ive been through last year and this year is forever a barrier that i have to fight everyday. Its a constant reminder of the saddnes inside me, but you know the next few months is where i belong and thats under heavy poundages, fighting for every bit of strength i can eek out. Feeling that cold steel bar warp in my hands as my flesh fights against the bend in the bar because im determined not to break, give up on those things that hurt me and im determined to go beyond what my mind and body say i can.....
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